I Didn't Have a Plan

Just a Pulse and a Willing Heart

Have you ever felt the need to change but had no idea where to start? Like your soul knew something had to give, but your brain was stuck in survival mode? Discomfort doesn’t always appear as a crisis or come with a warning. Sometimes it’s subtle — like the guilt that creeps in after you finally set a boundary, or the tightness in your throat when someone calls you “selfish” for taking time for yourself. Sometimes it shows up as chaos, heartbreak, or exhaustion. Other times, it’s a quiet tug that says, “This isn’t working anymore.” But here’s the thing: discomfort isn’t a sign you’re doing something wrong. It’s often the clearest signal that something new, something that will help you grow and experience greater joy, is trying to break through. My “how to harness the power of discomfort” mentor is Cher Anderton, a therapist, mother, and one of those women who radiate grounded wisdom. Her story is full of pivots, pain, and hard-earned insight. And it’s proof that discomfort doesn’t have to derail us. In fact, it can reveal exactly who we are.

From Ballet Slippers to Boundary Setting

Cher didn’t grow up in calm waters. Her childhood was filled with drama and trauma, and like many kids living in chaos and disruption, she often felt numb and disconnected from her own body. However, there was one place where she could be fully present—the dance floor. Ballet became her refuge. The discipline, structure, and rhythm allowed her to feel her body in ways nothing else could. Dance provided her with a rare sense of control and embodiment. But at 17, in a moment of fierce clarity, she realized dance wasn’t enough. She had to leave town. Cher packed her ballet shoes and escaped across the country. She didn’t yet understand the power of discomfort—but she sensed how to move through it.

Years later, at 25, having never run a mile in her life, she signed up for a marathon—not because she loved running, but because something inside her knew she needed to push herself, to change. “This was the first time I chose to do something truly challenging,” she said. “And deep down I knew I had to do it. I just knew it was going to teach me something important.” That decision became a turning point; Cher learned that discomfort wasn’t just something to endure—it could be used as a guide. A tool. A signal that something better was out there, waiting to be claimed.

When You are Bobbing for Air – Kick Your Feet

Years later, after a series of mishaps and fertility struggles, Cher and her husband decided to expand their family—this time through foster care. They adopted their son Jay when he was nearly eight, joining their biological children, who were then 5, 10, and 11. “It was like being thrown into the deep end of emotional intensity,” she said. Trauma, grief, unmet needs—hers and theirs—surfaced quickly. But instead of shutting down or pushing through, Cher became curious.

Before adopting, Cher says she challenged herself in many ways, but it wasn’t always planned. She just followed what felt right. However, everything changed once Jay came into their lives. The emotional complexity of parenting a foster child led her to search—not only for answers but also for tools. She didn’t wait for life to calm down before doing her inner work; she did the work in the middle of the chaos.

Cher began asking more insightful questions. Why am I reacting this way? What’s happening in my body right now? What patterns am I repeating—and what do I want to do differently? Eventually, she went back to school to earn her master’s in social work. She learned about the brain, trauma, somatic healing, and Internal Family Systems. She was diagnosed with ADHD at 46—and instead of resisting it, she embraced it. Discomfort didn’t break her; it woke her up.

That’s the thing about discomfort—it doesn’t wait until we’re ready. It shows up during the grocery store meltdown, the hard conversation, the 2am anxiety spiral. And it asks us: Are you willing to stay present with this?

Discomfort Is Opportunity Knocking

Today, Cher helps others do what she learned to do for herself: stay with discomfort long enough to learn from it. She teaches emotional regulation, nervous system awareness, and how to face tough moments with intention instead of avoidance. But she didn’t become an expert overnight. She learned the hard way—through family dynamics that tested her values, through moments when she wanted to fix everything for everyone, through late-night doubts and mid-morning meltdowns.

“The most powerful thing I’ve learned,” she told me, “is that presence matters more than perfection. You can’t always make it better, but you can stay with it.”

That’s the core of her current teaching: how to navigate discomfort with grace, curiosity, and self-trust. Not to avoid it. Not to force it aside. But to handle intense emotions, rewire old patterns, and lead from a position of self-awareness and purpose.

D.R.E.A.M to Harness Discomfort

As I listened to Cher’s story, her transformative D.R.E.A.M. journey became clear:

· Desire – She wanted more for herself and her family, even when she didn’t know exactly what it would look like.

· Reflect – She examined her patterns, her pain, and her purpose. Not all at once. But honestly, bravely, and often.

· Explore – From marathons to motherhood to mental health work, she said yes to the unknown and let her curiosity poke into all the nooks and crannies.

· Acknowledge – She began to see her growth. To name her wins. To celebrate the tiny moments of progress.

· Mantra – Through it all, her actions spoke loud and clear: You don’t have to get it perfect. You just have to stay present.

Discomfort doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re stretching.

It means something new is coming alive in you.

Where Do You Feel the Nudge?

Maybe you're feeling discomfort in your work, body, or relationships. Maybe you're tired of hustling for your worth or carrying stories that don’t belong to you. Or perhaps you're ready to do things differently.

Wherever you are, remember Cher: you don’t have to fear discomfort. You can harness it. You can learn from it. You can grow with it.