Don't Shrink to Fit
Step Into Your Abundant Self
Do you ever feel like you spend your days trying to be the person your parents, your kids, your partner, your boss, or society expects you to be? Like you are constantly adjusting to feel accepted, loved, or promoted, slowly shrinking into a lesser version of yourself? I know that feeling. I spent years struggling with it! But here’s something I just learned — sometimes being beautiful also triggers this kind of shrinking. My extraordinary friend, Claudia Noriega-Bernstein, lived inside a double-thick box for years – too beautiful and too bright, and both in their ways, used against her.
Prove Your Worth, Work for Love
As a little girl, Claudia was desperate for her mother’s love and approval. She learned what to say, how to act, and above all, never to shine brighter than mom. Claudia felt like she began shrinking at a very young age. She became whoever she thought “they” wanted her to be.
Although she was a pretty girl, simple comments like, “Be careful with your nose, it’s the only beautiful thing you have,” made her believe her beauty was limited. So, she thought, if I’m not truly pretty, maybe I should just blend in. She became a tomboy—no makeup, baggy clothes, hiding her shine before it had a chance to fully emerge.
It wasn’t until she was a teenager, getting ready for prom, that she truly saw her beauty. For the first time, she paused in front of the mirror and thought, Hmm, not bad. In that moment, she realized there was more to her than what she had been led to believe.
One day, while walking home from an acting class she had joined for fun, a TV producer spotted her. In an instant, everything changed; she went from a teenage tomboy to landing a leading role in a world-famous soap opera. It should’ve felt like a dream, but inside, she was conflicted. Suddenly, people saw her differently, and she didn’t quite know what to do with that attention. She didn’t want to be seen as just pretty. She wanted people to recognize her talent, her intelligence, her depth. In many ways, she felt that being beautiful disqualified her from being viewed as capable or smart. That battle was privately waged inside her for years.
How Do I Like My Eggs?
Claudia married, had three beautiful daughters, and life felt perfect until the day she discovered her husband in bed with another woman. Shattered, the belief that she wasn’t good enough resurfaced. Standing at a crossroads, Claudia had a choice: follow the advice everyone was giving her— “You have everything—house, cars, clothes—just be grateful”—or begin her healing by uncovering the woman she truly was beneath all the roles, expectations, and beliefs she had adopted as truth. Looking at her daughters, she made a commitment. She wanted to teach them not to settle for less. She was going to model a life that was honest and authentic.
One morning, after moving into a tiny apartment with her girls and standing in the kitchen ready to make breakfast, Claudia’s moment of clarity hit her. She realized she didn’t even know how she liked her eggs! She had spent so much of her life adjusting that she would automatically echo her dining partner’s order just to feel accepted. If they said, “I like scrambled,” she’d say the same! “I like poached” – same here! Claudia paused. Now was the moment to discover who she truly was.
Pause. Reflect. Pivot.
Claudia was finished living for others. She wanted to embrace authenticity and start prioritizing herself. She became dedicated to healing, setting boundaries, and breaking the cycle of conditional love and approval-seeking. She desired joy not only for herself but also for her daughters. She aimed to teach them self-worth, values, and how to lead with love.
When you spend your life trying to please the world and fit in, you lose sight of who you really are. You start to accept versions of yourself that aren’t genuine, but to belong, you wear them anyway. Letting go of resentment, self-doubt, and old programming isn’t easy. However, with intention and effort, it’s achievable.
Beauty, the Elephant in the Room
People considered “average-looking” often make assumptions about beautiful women. Sometimes, we envy them. The idea that a woman should learn to embrace her beauty can seem strange to many. But for Claudia, her beauty felt like a burden. It brought assumptions, projections, and society’s habit of judging women by their looks. She was constantly proving she was more than just a pretty face.
Before she could openly share her wisdom and experience, she needed to accept her beauty. Own it. Embrace it—not as a mask, but as part of her truth. Today, she no longer apologizes for her appearance or her success. She carries both with pride, knowing exactly what it took to earn them. And she never forgets the weight of that journey.
I Don’t Shrink to Fit
One day, while flipping through a magazine, Claudia found the phrase “I’m never going to shrink to fit again.” She cut it out and taped it on her bathroom mirror. What started as a quiet promise, I won’t shrink to fit, eventually became the declaration I don’t shrink to fit.
Today, if Claudia chooses to step into a space, it’s because she knows she belongs there, and belonging to her means being accepted fully. Not a watered-down version. Not someone more palatable, but all of her; bold, beautiful, smart, and whole.
Claudia’s D.R.E.A.M.
D – Desire: share what she has learned with other women
R – Reflect: on the truth and lessons she has uncovered during her journey
E – Explore: techniques to break stereotypes, especially around beauty and intelligence
A – Acknowledge: the weight of society’s expectations and the strength it takes to rise above them.
M – Mantra: “I don’t shrink to fit”
Claudia Noriega-Bernstein finds immense joy in helping others boost their self-confidence, improve relationships, discover their life purpose, and become authentic leaders. She is host of the two-time award-winning podcast “Don’t Shrink to Fit,” developer and host of “The Art of Unbecoming” retreats, award-winning author of the children’s book series, “Valentina and her White Elephant,” an inner abundance coach, and recipient of numerous accolades for her contributions to various causes. The 5th Anniversary edition of her book Brighter Days was just released and became a bestseller in the first week. Learn more and connect with Claudia HERE.